Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Randomize
