Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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