Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
