bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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