Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
