Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
