I just pynch a tree in the face
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
