shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
