splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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