he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
