She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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