She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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