I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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