Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
