dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
