Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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