I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
