I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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