I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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