i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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