Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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