I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
