I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sext me about skeletons
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
