fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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