So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
