last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
