You made me cry and you don't even care
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
