I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
