i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
