after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
