Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
