Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
