grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
