I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
