idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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