Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
