Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
