I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
