his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
