it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
