Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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