did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
