we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
