I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
