your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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