I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
