Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
