im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
