OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
