it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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