I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
