Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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