Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When are your genitals available?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
